1) IF for a BBQ at the park or beach, you bring tamales, gigantic ollas of Congri, Yuca y Carne de Puerco (don't forget el mojo!)
2) IF to the above outing you bring la cafetera o el thermos con el cafe.
3) IF you wear a Guayabera with shorts, nylon socks and dress shoes or strappy sandals.
4) IF at least 3 men in your familia are named Pepe and you have tias named Fefa, Cuquita or Juana.
5) IF los viejos in your familia play dominoes, fuman tabaco and talk about how good Cuba was before Castro.
6) IF at every cumpleanos or bautizo there is an assortment of pastelitos de carne, guayaba, croqueticas and bocaditos, and they are placed en la mesa next to el cake, so they come out en la foto to your primos en Cuba.
7) IF when your Mami gets pissed she yells, Me cago en la madre que los pario (don't forget la chancleta!)
8) IF to describe a place that was far away you say it was en casa del carajo
9) IF you don't pronounce your R's - as in parque, carne, etc. but like to criticar the way other hispanos hablan.
10) IF you say No jodas, Chico o Le ronca el mango, to express dismay.
11) IF the top 3 TV shows are Christina, Sabado Gigante and Walter Mercado and you watch todas las novelas.
12) IF you come out from la casa de tu mama, tia or abuela smelling like sazon, bistec empanizado, or platanitos maduros fritos (or any fried food for that matter!)
13) IF you always have Guayaba con Queso in your casa and eat it as a dessert.
14) IF you live in NY but your padres cross el
puente Tapanes Si (Tappan Zee) to go to Bergenline in Nu Jersi to go to la bodega and buy la carne.
15) IF you go to la cafeteria and te comes una media noche, una frita and you drink un batido de Mamey (no wonder Cuban women have big asses!)
16) IF you eat Arroz con Picadillo at least once a week
17) IF you made the arroz in the rice cooker you have sitting on your kitchen counter.
18) IF you go to Miami or Hialeah to visitar your familia every July, or to Union City to visit your familia if you live in Florida
19) IF Santa Barbara, San Lazaro or La Virgen de la Caridad are part of your living room decor, your patio or front of la casa AND your amigos Americanos think the caramelos, Apples and Bananas are snacks.
20) IF there is a BIG picture of your hermana's 15th along with everybody's foto de boda or communion en la sala.
21) IF your suegra still treats your marido o novio like their little baby boy (even though he is a 35+ year old manganzon).
22) IF in every bano there is a latica or little bucket under the sink.....(chicas we know this one!).
23) IF every New Year's you wait till las doces to eat las 12 uvas.
24) IF your bebe smells like violetas, and wears a Dios me Bendiga pin with an Azabache, or a cadena with medallas of all the saints.
25) IF you put a mosquitero around your baby's cuna, even though there are NO mosquitos in your casa.
26) IF when you have a dolor de barriga, your abuela makes you pure de Malangas or gives you Tilo or Manzanilla for all ailments.
27) IF you grew up thinking that if you went en la playa swimming or took a shower after una jartera you would get an embolia and die.
